Mine
by The-Shadows-Of-My-Mind
Summary: Grantaire has an obsession, and nothing will stop him from getting to it. Story is better then the summary. Includes dark themes, slash, suicidal thoughts later on. Not for light-hearted readers. Enjolras/Grantaire. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

There he is, pacing around in all his god-like glory...Drawing in a crowd of listeners. But of course they aren't here to listen to his words, oh no. They're here to gaze upon the being with blonde hair and blue eyes, with pale skin and delicate features. They are here to look at the boy known as Julien Enjolras. I can't say I blame them. He's a fine looking man for one his age. Clear skin, nice clothing, perfect teeth...He's a sight to behold.

I'm so intent on gazing at his perfect body, that I don't hear someone calling my name. A jab to the side snaps me out of my trace, and I turn to face Jehan Prouvaire.

"You were staring again." He says, fiddling a rose between his slim fingers.

"I was not." I reply simply, taking a sip of the bitter wine sitting in front of me. Jehan raises his eyebrow, smirking slightly. I look back at him, my face contorting into a scowl.

"I was not..." I say again, making my voice as low and dark as I could. The poor boy recoils up, raising his hands in surrender. I smile, turning my attention back to the bottle in front of me, but keeping my eyes trained on the blonde youth now giving a small speech at the other end of the tavern.

I knew I had been staring, but Jehan doesn't need to know my thoughts. Not that he cares anyways. Why care about a drunkard? Exactly.

I mostly keep to myself, staying away from the group of boys known as Les Amies. I found the whole things stupid. And yet...And yet there was one boy who made me come back time and time again to their silly meetings. This boy was none other the Julien Enjolras. There was something about him, purity, if you will. Nothing seemed to faze him, not a joke, or a curse. Nothing, it seemed, could break that man.

A small, dark smile worked its way onto my lips. I knew for a fact, that I would be the one to break Julien. And when I did...He would be mine and mine alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Again and again, I try to make my move, but time and time again one of the other Amies step in my way. I'm beginning to get irritated, and that isn't a good things. The drink helps me to plan, helps me to twist the things the others think. They don't realize how stupid they are to fall for my drunkard ruse.

I catch myself with the dark smirk and quickly shake it off, taking a sip of brandy and scanning the cafe. Many of the students spend their time here, drinking and talking, playing card games and working. They're all idiots. Thinking life is going to hand them what they want on a silver platter. But again...Enjolras seems smarter than the rest. He knows that the world wasn't fair; he wants to do something about it. That keeps me interested in the blonde youth, the sense of purpose and determination. We all knew, once Enjolras had his mind set on something, it was as good as his. Which is the same for me, I want him, and I will get him, no matter what.

Pulling myself out of my thoughts once again, I look up and am greeted with a new sight. Several members of Les Amies de L'ABC are sitting around a table drinking, including Enjolras. I raise an eyebrow and try to hide the dark smile behind the bottle.

"_This is far too easy..." _I think, calling over a serving maid and ordering two of the cafe's strongest drinks. When they arrive, I pick them up and move over to the table which houses the near drunken Amies.

Sinking into the seat next to Enjolras, I jump in on a conversation with Combeferre and Joly. Though I have no idea what they're talking about, I keep up with surprising ease. Though, considering my prize is seated directly to my right, I have to put up a strong ruse. I slip the drink discreetly in front of him, watching his eyes carefully.

At first he doesn't seem to notice, which makes me worry. But after a few moments he begins to take small sips, then larger gulps. I hid a smirk, turning my back. Everything was going smoothly. Thankfully, nobody had noticed the pill I had slipped in his drink. Now I just had to wait for the drugs to kick in.

I don't have to wait long. After a few moments, I begin to notice subtle changes in his posture. His normally straight back was slumped, and he leaned heavily on the table. His breathing was shallow and slightly shaky, and his skin had lost some of its colour, save for a drunken blush on his cheeks.

Awhile later, he stands to leave, complaining of a sick feeling. I wait a moment or so, before standing and walking after him. As expected, he hadn't gotten far, stumbling along. I hide my growing excitement, walking at a brisk pace to catch up with him. A gentle hand on his shoulder causes him to pause and look quizzically over his shoulder.

"Evening Julien." I say casually, trying to stop my jitters. He blinks several times, clearly confused. I shake my head with a light hearted laugh.

"You, mon amie, are extremely drunk." I grin. He shakes his head, frowning adorably.

"Am not..." He slurred, tripping over his words. I shake my head, taking his arm and leading him to my apartment, which was far closer. For safety, I lie smoothly, shifting where we stood.

We get back to my apartment without a hitch, but the problems were just about to begin. The drugs would be wearing off soon, and pauvre Enjolras would come to realize where he was. He never would have come without said drugs, so getting him to stay would be a challenge. One I had already planned for, of course. I set him down on the bed, before turning and locking the front door.

Enjolras tilts his head again, his blue eyes wide. I can't help but smile at this expression. He looks so lost, so confused. I make my way back to the bed, sitting next to him and pulling him close to my side. He resists at first, but who could blame him? In a strange place with an even stranger person. I would have been hesitant myself.

"Grantaire? What are you doing?" He asks softly, keeping his voice steady. I smile again, but not a soft or kind smile, but a dark and devious smile. I thread my fingers into his hair and yank his head back, causing him to yelp in pain and surprise. I hold his head back with one hand, using the other to roam his now exposed neck. He squirms at my touch, trying to pull free.

"Ah ah...Don't tug." I speak softly, digging my nails into his scalp. He winces, biting his lip, but nods none the less. I smile again, keeping one hand in his hair as I work to unbutton his shirt. He's trembling now, but he's trying to keep a brave face. I chuckle quietly, pulling off his shirt and exposing his surprisingly toned chest. I must say, I was caught off guard. I slowly let my hand trail down his chest and stomach.

"Grantaire, stop this right now." He snaps, pulling back from my touch. I pause, a deep scowl appearing on my face. Without thinking, I bring my hand back and slap him across the face. He recoils with a yelp, hand to his face. He stares at me with a defiant expression. His expression almost dares me to come closer, and I comply without complaint. I pounce forward, pinning him under my weight and trapping his wrists above his head, grinning evilly.

"Let me up!" He shouts, thrashing about. I roll my eyes, glancing around before grabbing his cravat, tying it around his mouth and silencing him. He mumbles around the gag, trying to struggle free. I wouldn't let him, not when I was so close.

Shifting my weight, I keep one hand on his wrists and get off his chest. He's breathing heavily, eyes wide with fear and...Hatred? I shrug it off, sitting him up and running my hands down his back. He shivers at my touch, biting down on the cravat in his mouth.

"There, now is this so bad?" I whisper into his ear, causing him to flinch. He stares at a spot on the wall, shoulders heaving with each breath. He's terrified, but is too proud to show it. I smirk again, moving around in front of him, my hand running across his shoulders. The second I'm in his line of sight, he turns his head, glaring at the window. I frown, grabbing his chin and pulling his head back to face me. He keeps his blue eyes trained on the ground, not daring to lift them to meet mine.

"Apollo, look at me." I say as softly as I can. He glances up for only a moment, before returning his gaze to the floor. I smack him again, growling quietly. He hits the ground, wincing. I grab his shoulder and yank him back up, beating him about the face for a moment or so, before setting him down on the bed.

"We can do this the easy way, or the hard way Enjolras." I say in a sickly sweet tone, resting my hand on his chest. He looks down, taking a deep and shaky breath, before turning his gaze back up to me. He mumbles something around the gag, almost shyly.

"Pardon?" I say, though I know what he means. He mumbles again, tears brimming in his eyes. I smile, kissing his cheek lightly, running my hands gently through his hair.

"Was that so hard to admit?" I ask trailing kisses down his chest and stomach. He moans quietly, squirming. I lift my head and capture his lips with mine, slightly difficult with the silken fabric in his mouth, but better than nothing. I feel him shaking again, and I pull away, tilting my head. I remove the cravat, giving him time to get moisture back into his mouth. I sit back and give my prize the once over.

His once proud and perfect posture is broken, as he's huddled in a small ball, his eyes wide and terrified instead of their normal calm and confident strength. His hair is messy from my tugging and pulling, and is beginning to stick to the sides of his face. There are bruises forming on his cheeks and shoulders, and he has a bloodied lip.

I feel pity for the poor boy in front of me, and I sigh, hanging my head. I stand and hand him his shirt, which he snatches quickly. I watch as he pulls on the white garment and his vest, stuffing his cravat into his pocket. He makes a move to stand, but I pull him back down quickly. He whimpers, retreating until his back was against the wall.

"Calm down..." I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck, "I'm not going to hurt you." He moves slowly away from the wall, watching me with fear filled eyes. I move out of the way, letting him get to the door. As he passes, I steal a quick kiss, and land a solid nip on where his neck meets his shoulder. He yelps and scampers out, running as fast as he can. I lean back, a dark smile on face.

This, I knew, was only the first of many encounters.


	3. Chapter 3

"Mon dieu Julien! What happened to your eye?" I'm jolted awake by Combeferre's sudden outburst. I sit up and rub my eyes, yawning as I look around the room. Combeferre is standing in front of Enjolras, his hands resting on the others shoulder as he looked at his face, frowning deeply. I feel myself tense up, and hold back a snarl. No one...I repeat no one should be touching MY Apollo. I force myself to calm down and to remain where I was, leaning casually on the table.

Enjolras shifts awkwardly where he stands, his blue eyes flicking to where I sit. I raise an eyebrow, shaking my head and giving him a dark smile. He visibly shivers, before turning back to Combeferre.

"I...Walked into someone...Took a bit of a fall." He lies with a weak laugh. Combeferre doesn't seem to buy it at first, asking question after question. I can see Enjolras getting slightly antsy, glancing around almost nervously. I smile, leaving my place at the table and walking over to the pair. I clamp my hand hard onto Enjolras' shoulder, causing him to jump.

"Easy now Combeferre," I say, shaking my head, "Wouldn't want to overload our pauvre Apollo, now would you?" The word 'our' doesn't sound right when I say it. Combeferre glances at me for only a moment, before shaking his head and gently taking Enjolras' arm.

"Well, if you did fall, I want to make sure nothing else is hurt or broken." He says, and to my horror begins to lead Enjolras out of the cafe and heading, most likely to the students apartment. I feel my heart sink, and glance around quickly. Cursing quietly, I begin to follow the pair.

What I see makes rage begin to boil in my gut. Combeferre has his arm around Enjolras' shoulders, and the blonde is speaking in hushed tones, glancing around nervously. I can tell, even with the distance between us that he is telling Combeferre about what I had done. Now they were both looking around, and Combeferre spots me. He pulls Enjolras into a side street, picking up their pace. I begin to sprint after them, rounding the corner like a whip. Combeferre then realizes his mistake.

He had led them both into a dead end. He steps in front of Enjolras, folding his arms across his chest and giving me a dark stare. I stop moving, returning the glare with equal hostility.

"What do you want Grantaire?" He snaps. I decide it's best to play innocent until I find out just how much Enjolras had told him.

"I want to know if Apollo is alright." I say calmly, relaxing my posture and giving a small smile. Combeferre gave me a look, a cross between confusion and doubt.

"From what I can tell, he is fine. Now, if you'll excuse us." He sighs, gently pushing me out of the way and turning back to Enjolras, who stood tall with his arms folded calmly in front of him.

"Come on Enjolras; let's leave the drunkard to do what he does." Combeferre says, giving me a dark glare. I nearly snap right there. It takes several deep breaths and kicking the wall to calm myself down. Enjolras walks calmly past me, though I notice he stays as far as he can. I smile, shaking my head slightly.

Combeferre is waiting at the mouth of the side street, tapping his foot impatiently. As Enjolras approaches, Combeferre pulls the blonde closer and wraps his arm around the others waist. I can feel steam shooting out of my ears as the two walk off. I tail a ways behind them, watching like a hunter.

Combeferre is greatly on edge, glancing around and keeping a protective arm around Enjolras. I smirk, noticing the side street that Combeferre usually uses. I glance around quickly, before running ahead and darting in. I sit on a box, waiting calmly.

Moments later, Combeferre and Enjolras walk in laughing. They don't see me until I am literally on top of them. I manage to grab Combeferre around the neck, growling quietly.

"He is mine!" I growl, ramming his head against the ground until he's lying in a small puddle of blood and is barely conscious. Enjolras freezes in his tracks, eyes going wide. I stand up, kicking the semi-conscious form of Combeferre before turning to him.

"What the baise was that Grantaire!?" He snaps, clenching his fists as I walk closer, "I have half a mind to go report you to the inspector right now!" I laugh, shaking my head and roughly grabbing his arm. He winces, but I don't care. I drag him behind me as I storm out of the side street. He's pulling at his arm, trying to break my hold. I turn and catch him by the throat, pinning him against a wall. A few people stop and stare, but quickly return to their business.

Enjolras is clawing at my hand, gasping for breath. I keep my hold until he blacks out, and then throw the boy's body over my shoulder, heading back to my apartment. I'm stopped every now and again, but I explain that he had had 'one drink to many' and that I was taking him home. Most people bought my story...Which is lucky, considering the sun is high in the sky.

I kick open the door and dump Enjolras' limp frame unto the floor, growling quietly to myself. I glance around, before walking over to the fire place and picking up a still smoldering ember. I kneel by his side, and gingerly touch the ember to his shoulder.

Instantly he jolts awake, shouting a string of curses. I don't give him much time to recover, pushing him roughly back down. He knows what's coming, and he doesn't want any part of it. He starts thrashing wildly, even when I sit on his chest. He lands a few solid punches, enough to get me upset. I stand and kick him none too lightly in the side.

He curls up, clutching his stomach and trying to regain his breath. I grin darkly, kicking him again for good measure. I bend down and grab his hair, pulling hard. He yelps in pain, eyes glinting with tears. I pull off his shirt for the second time that week, running my hand lightly down to his stomach, before ramming my fist into his gut. He doubles over, whimpering.

"Are you scared Enjolras?" I hiss into his ear, tweaking one of his nipples. He whimpers, nodding violently. I smile, realising my grip on his hair. He instantly moves away, trying to get as far away from me as possible. I catch him by the ankle, dragging him back and pulling him into a fierce kiss. He's still trying to pull away, albeit without the same vigor as before.

I release my grip in his hair, spinning him around and forcing him onto his stomach as I hook my fingers on the hem of his trousers, yanking them down. He yelps, jumping forward and hugging his knees to his chest. I smirk, shaking my head with a soft sigh. I moved around him, before grabbing his pale hips and yanking. He gives a soft squeak, trying to pull free.

"So smooth...It's not white, but pale. Like pearl." I say, running my hands across his back and chest. One of my hands slips between his thighs and he instantly tenses up, eyes wide. I pause, gently turning his face to mine as I set him in my lap. I can feel he's trembling, and a small pang of guilt shoots up my spine. I shake it off quickly, capturing his lips with mine.

He whimpers into the kiss, and I can feel the tears starting to roll down his cheeks. I roll my eyes, deepening the kiss, my tongue slipping into his mouth and exploring the warm cavern. I nip and suck at his plump lips, shivering each time he whimpers.

After awhile, I break the kiss, leaning back. Enjolras is trembling, his lips swollen and red from my slight abuse. His skin has a soft sheen to it, his hair matted and sticking to his face. I sighed, reaching forward with one hand. He flinches back, eyes wide.

"It's alright Apollo...I'm not going to hurt you." _Much_, I smirk. He nodded slowly, moving back into my range. I pounce forward, pinning him under my weight. He yelps, struggling wildly. I roll my eyes; finally deciding today would be the day I truly made Apollo mine. I gingerly stroke his thighs, and get a moan for my troubles. I grin, tugging off my own trousers.

_*Fade to black*_

**T.B.C.**


	4. Chapter 4

"Am I the only one who's noticed Enjolras is acting a little...differently lately?" Jehan asked, glancing nervously at said afore mentioned man who was curled up in the corner, dark circles under his eyes. I smirk, pretending to be passed out on the bar while eaves dropping in on the conversation on the other side of the bar.

"Now that you mention it," Courfeyrac follows the young poets gaze with a sigh, "He does seem rather off. Have you spoken to him as of late?"

"No...I haven't the heart to go near him." Prouvaire admits sadly, fiddling his rose between slim fingers. "He seems so distraught...Could he be heart-broken?"

"Oh Prouvaire..." Courfeyrac tuts with a warm smile as he ruffles the boy's long brown hair. "Apollo has not time for love, never mind heartbreak." Jehan nods, turning his back to the blond in the corner. Silence takes of the Musain, broken only by soft mutterings or a patron standing to leave.

The silence is broken not ten minutes later when Prouvaire jolts up in his seat. "Could he be ill? Perhaps we should take him to go see Joly or Combeferre..."

"No!" The word is out before I can stop it. Cursing silently, I plaster on a grin and spin round in my seat to face the startled poet and dandy. Their expressions quickly change to those of distaste and demand an explanation I don't have prepared. With a shaky sigh, I stand and make my way towards the now silent pair.

"Glad you could join us R..." Courfeyrac snarls as I take a seat, clutching the edge of the table until his knuckles turned white.

"Glad to be here." I reply casually, ignoring the scowl sent my way by Prouvaire. Pulling a flask out of my vest, I lean back and prop my feet onto the table. "What's the topic of discussion today then?" I ask calmly, as though I hadn't been listening in and having a hidden heart attack. Courfeyrac shots a warning glance at Jehan, but too late, as the poet is already rambling on about what they had been speaking of. Courfeyrac slumps back into his chair with a sigh, a scowl written across his normally care free features.

After almost a quarter of an hour, Jehan finally closes his mouth and looks up with expectant eyes. I shake my head, snapping back into focus with a sigh.

"Is that all then?" I laugh, receiving a puzzled expression from the poet. I frown in mock confusion, nudging Courfeyrac. "Have you not heard?" Silence. "Do you two not know?" I'm laughing now, trying to speak as I try desperately to come up with what they should know.

"Apparently we don't," Courfeyrac sighed, leaning on the table, "Please do share your vast knowledge of Enjolras' life." His cold stare sets my heart to stone. I force a weak smile, swallowing the lump rising in my throat.

"W-well..." I stutter, eyes flitting around the cafe in a final desperate attempt to save my ass, "He's um...W-well you see..."

"Oh spit it out you stupid drunk!" Jehan interrupts, slamming his palms down onto the table. I jolt back, the colour draining from my face. Courfeyrac places a firm hand on Jehan's shoulder, forcing him back into his seat with a hard glare.

"Calm down Jehan...He's obviously still drunk." The dandy snarls, his eyes dark. Raising my hands in submission, I back away from the two and return to my seat at the bar. Casting a quick glance over my shoulder ensures me that they are back to their conversation.

I snatch up the drink I had left and try to drown the worries in the alcohol. I was slipping...losing my focus. I had managed to get what I wanted...But now I had to keep it hidden, which wasn't easy considering my prize was lettering everything bleed through. Glancing over my shoulder at Jehan and Courfeyrac, cursing their presence, I begin to plan on how to keep Apollo quiet.

I flash back to what my cousin would do if he ever told me a secret. He would literally beat the secret into me. He'd pummel the living daylights out of me until I swore on my mother's grave I wouldn't tell anyone. And if I did...I wouldn't be surprised to wake up in the hospital.

I return to my body with a dark smile. Jehan and Courfeyrac are rising to leave. The poet casts a sad glance over his shoulder to where Enjolras slept, body trembling slightly. I watch over the brim on my mug as the two leave the cafe and disappear into the crowd. I'm on my feet and moving purposefully towards the sleeping blond.

"Get up..." I snarled, knocking him out of his seat. He yelps as he hits the ground, blue eyes flying open with fear. With a dark laugh, I yank him to his feet and drag him none to gently out the door. He doesn't even try to resist, shuffling behind my with his head hung.

"Chin up Apollo," I sneer, forcing him to look ahead, "Don't need to draw attention to ourselves." He nods, forcing a small smile and starting a quiet conversation that would mistake for light-hearted banter.

Kicking open the door to my apartment, I throw the fallen god to the floor, growling quietly. He hits the ground and winces, but does not otherwise move. I pace around him, remembering what my cousin did to me with a sick giddiness.

"Know why you're here?"

"Because you clearly haven't done enough to tear down my moral?" He replies in a monotone voice. I laugh wickedly, kicking him sharply in the ribs. He hisses softly, clenching his eyes shut.

"Smart ass." I grab his hair and yank him to his feet. "Thought I had beaten that all out of you..."

"Well clearly you didn't." He snaps back through clenched teeth.

"Don't push me Apollo..." I snarl, adjusting my grip so my hand circled around his throat. "I'm already rather upset." He struggles to breath around the constricting force circling his wind-pipe. He's already turning a slight blue in the face.

Keeping my hold, I take a bucket of water the landlady had left while cleaning. I force Enjolras to his knees by kicking his legs out from under him. He hits the ground with a growl, gritting his teeth.

"Now then Apollo, we can make this easy, or I can light a fire." I watch as the colour drains from his face, a soft whimper escaping his lips. As I had "accidentally" discovered the past week, Enjolras had an intense fear of flames. Of course, this knowledge unlocked a whole new level of..."training".

"Who have you told about our little...meetings?" I snarl, moving the bucket closer with my foot.

"No one...No one outside of us knows." He replies shakily and with fear filled eyes. Something about the way he says it...I dunk his head into the bucket, holding tightly as he begins to thrash wildly, trying desperately to get free.

After another moment, I pull his head out of the water. He's coughing and gasping for air, eyes wider then ever before. He coughs again, leaning over and vomiting onto the floor. He remains doubled over, coughs still raking his body. I grab his hair again, holding him over the bucket.

"Who have you told!?" I demand again, forcing his head under the water again.

"I swear I haven't told anyone!" He sputtered as I pull him up for air. I glare, getting ready to dunk him again as he yelps, trying to move back. With a solid kick to his back, he doubles over with a whimper. I dunk him once more, before casting him aside like an empty bottle.

"Keep it like that...or I might not pull you up next time." I sneer, tossing an old rag at him in hopes he wouldn't tread the water around the apartment.

"I hate you..." He whispers through chattering teeth and turning his icy gaze my way. I freeze, a dark smile growing.

"Still have a little smart ass left in you?" I turn, kneeling by the well used mantle and setting the tinder ablaze. Enjolras whimpers quietly as the flames leap forward.

"Session number seven starts now Enjolras..." The tip of a red-hot poker illuminates the room enough for me to see his terrified expression.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Enjolras's POV_**

Months...This has been going on for months. The constant abuse, torment and hate. It's unbearable what he puts me through each "session". Burns, cuts, and bruises at the end of every week. I can't tell anyone...I couldn't tell anyone. But I did...I told someone, but they can't help.

I can't let him find out, can't let him get to me. I sigh, slipping my hand into my pocket and grasping the pill bottle Joly had given me for my constant headaches. Turning the bottle this way and that, I guess there are roughly twenty pills in it. Roughly enough to kill a man.

"_Take only one a day..." _He had cautioned as he handed me this bottle. I laughed quietly now, shaking my head. I had no intention of listening to him, no matter how much I respect the medical student. I can't continue to life like this, like the mouse the cat just won't kill. A grim smile sets itself on my features...The cat won't kill me? Fine, I'll do it for him.

This thought makes me shiver, but I will not change my mind...I can't change my mind, not after what he's done...After what he's taken. I try to calm down, pacing around, trying to rest...even humming a light song for awhile. Nothing seems to work.

With a final glance around the cafe, I take out a paper and ink, dipping my father's pen into the ink and setting to work writing my final paper, the pill bottle acting as my paper weight.

_Mes Amis,_

_I am terribly sorry for causing you such grief, grief that you may never have felt before. But this needed to be done...I'm sorry._

_I haven't rested in months, and became rather tired by the end. Not just tired of being awake, but of living. I couldn't stand to be judged just for being myself. I hate to say this, but none of you really knew me, or cared to find out who I really was. I was your Apollo, you're guiding light. That isn't truly who I am...As long as I served YOUR purpose, that's all you cared about. You all thought you knew the real me? You thought wrong. I honestly wished things could have been different, that they didn't have to end like this. I wish I knew what it was like to be free...To be happy. I departed with sorrow in my mind and fear in my heart, but my love for you all, and for Patria remains truer and stronger than ever._

_This is not any of your faults...It is of mine and mine alone. I wish you luck._

_Farewell mes amis,_

_Julien Enjolras_

I re-read the note again and again, scribbling out lines and fixing letters until its perfect. With a sigh and another check around the empty cafe, I pour the pills into my hand and pick up the small glass of water. Without another thought, I pop the pills into my mouth and down them.

At first, I don't feel any different, and I start to fear that they haven't worked – and then my vision starts to cloud. The café becomes a swirl of colour, so I shut my eyes. I can feel my body start to numb, starting in my chest and moving to my head and feet, and suddenly I can't feel my hands. Leaning back in the chair, my head starts to pound harder and harder until I start to think it'll crack my skull, which makes all of the numbed muscles in my body tense. Finally, just when I think I can't take anymore, it stops: all at once, everything feels… calm. I relax, even as my breathing slows, and the last conscience thought in my head is _Thank God_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Back to Grantaire's POV**

_I had gone into the Musain looking for a drink, just like every other day. I wasn't planning on meeting my blond play thing...I hadn't seen him in days now that I thought about it. That didn't bother me though. I'd find him at some point, strolling down the street or what not. Then we'd have fun..._

_But when I entered the cafe, the first thing that I lay eyes on was a flash of golden blond hair as my Apollo toppled out of a chair, eyes closed and skin white. I dropped my books, diving forward to try and catch him. His head strikes the ground, and a small trickle of blood runs down his porcelain skin. Panic sets my heart beating faster than ever. _

"_Enjolras...Enjolras!" I shout, shaking him to try and rose the fallen boy. His eyes remain closed, and it's then that I realize he isn't breathing. With a startled gasp, I realize that he had tried to kill himself. Because of me? Most likely...Without a second thought, I scoop the boy into my arms, startled by his weight...Or lack thereof. He weighed next to nothing. Shaking this thought away for the moment, I turn and hightail it out of the Cafe, nearly sprinting down the street to get to my apartment or a doctor's...Whichever came first._

_I find myself banging against Joly's door, unsure of how I got there. I adjust my grip on Enjolras's body as I continue to hammer, muttering under my breath. I hear the students muffled protests, something about some people's lack of patience or whatnot. He opened the door and the colour instantly drained from his skin. I'm sure he wasn't expecting to have a drunkard showing up on his door step with another student limp in his arms._

I was shaken out of my thoughts as Joly came back in, shaking his head with a grim expression. Instantly, I fear the worse. Enjolras hadn't moved, or made a sound since we had arrived, and Joly had said nothing to me. No questions when I came in, nor while I was waiting. I had staggered in with Enjolras hanging limply in my arms, and he had sprung into action. Joly had taken him away from me, disappearing into the other room and leaving me to my thoughts...Thoughts that I had no wish to think about at this point in time.

"He's breathing now..." The student sighed, slumping into a chair with a huff. He looked up as he cleaned his glasses, blinking up at me. "Can you tell me what happened?" He asked, propping his elbow's onto his knees.

"W-well...I went into the Musain to get a drink...and saw him fall out of his chair. He struck his head and passed out..." I lied weakly, frowning in thought. Joly sighed, taking the seat opposite me with an almost warm expression.

"Grantaire look...I need to know what really happened if I'm to help him. I can't save a man's life if the only witness is lying to me." He said, taking of his glasses and rubbing his eyes. I cast a glance over my shoulder, biting my lip as I begin to mentally battle myself. Should I tell him to save Apollo, but ruin my life in the process? Or lie to keep myself safe, but possibly cost Enjolras his life...

"Grantaire...? Are you alright?" The medical student asks, frowning. With a final sigh and a quick shot of the brandy I had..."borrowed" from Joly's medical kit, I begin to explain everything that happened. I tell him about my plans, about the meetings, the abuse, the attempted suicide...Everything. At first, he sits in stunned silence, his green eyes wide and his jaw hanging slightly open. Then he bursts into gales of laughter, nearly toppling out of his seat. As he tries to regain his breath, he realizes that I'm not laughing with him, that I am dead serious. His expression quickly becomes one of stone as he stands.

"You would do such a thing?" He demanded on his way back to Enjolras's room. "You would risk the life of a perfect man...Just so you could have the pleasure of tearing him down?"

"No one must know..."

"Pardon?"

"I said _No one must know!"_ I've pinned Joly to the wall by this point, the blade of a knife I hadn't realized I had grabbed pressed against his throat. The student manages a startled squeak, before fear sets in and he freezes in place, trembling slightly.

"You will tell no one what I've told you...You will heal him, and then you will return him to me." I snarl in his face, pressing the blade until a drop of blood rolled down his neck. Joly nods slowly tears brimming in his eyes. I pull the blade away, letting the student crumple to the ground. He remains curled on the floor, glaring up at me with a mixture of hatred and fear.

"Go..." I snarl, gesturing at the sleeping blond who lay peacefully oblivious in the other room. Joly nodded, staggering to his feet and dashing into the other room. I can hear his poorly suppressed sobs as I open the door to leave.


	7. Chapter 7

I walk into the Cafe Musain, humming quietly to myself as I took my usual seat at the bar. Drumming my fingers on the worn oak seat, I notice a strange silence had filled the cafe. Without placing an order, I swivel around in my chair, coming face to face with Combeferre. His normally calm composure is darkened with a scowl that I can only describe as...Fear inducing. I jolt back in my seat with a startled oath, and then laughed nervously.

"Mon dieu Claude! Don't sneak up on people like that!" I chuckle, unnerved by his unnaturally stony glare. He scoffs in distaste, muttering something dark under his breath and turning back to the others. I look around the cafe with a puzzled expression, realizing how it was empty save for the Amis sitting in their table in the corner. I lock eyes with Enjolras, who quickly looks down and bits his lip.

"Oi Apollo! Want to tell me what the baise is going on?" I call over, rising from my seat. The blond glances up quickly, and then returns his gaze to the table. I frown, tilting my head as I approach their table. Enjolras shifts closer to Courfeyrac, biting his lip.

"Enjolras...What's going on?"

"Why don't tell us?" Combeferre snaps, folding his arms across his chest. I turn quickly, eyes going wide. I look between the gathered Amis with a growing sense of panic. I turn back to the table to find Enjolras trying to sneak out the back. With a growl, I lunge forward and pin the boy to the wall by his throat. The others are on their feet in an instant, but I don't care.

"You told someone...Didn't you?" I snarled, throwing him to the ground and kicking his ribs. He yelps and curls in on himself, whimpering softly. Grinning with sadistic pleasure, I continue to kick his fallen form. It's then that the others pounce forward and grab my arms, pulling me back with shouts of anger. I begin to thrash around, making contact with several of the others, causing one or two of them to stagger back winded. Combeferre's rushed over to help Enjolras to his feet, supporting the blonde's shaking form.

"You!" I roar, tearing free of the others and jumping at Combe, who staggers back from my sudden weight. We topple to the ground, growling and tearing at one another while trying to get to our feet. Combeferre manages to dig his knee into my gut, jumping up and hurrying back to Enjolras. I stagger to my feet, gingerly touching my bleeding lip. All the other Amis are glaring in clear disgust, moving to stand around Combeferre and Enjolras. The blondes huddled up against the elder student, eyes wide.

"Get out Grantaire..." Courfeyrac growls, shaking his head. Enjolras looked up with his innocent blue eyes, biting his lip as he pressed closer to Combeferre.

"I...I'm sorry R. I had to tell them..." He said softly, turning away with a soft sigh. Grinning slyly, I move towards him, the others growling quietly, moving closer.

"Oh piss off you mindless sheep..." I growl, shoving through them.

"Excuse me?" Joly snaps, moving forward with dark eyes.

"You heard me...You're all mindless followers, intent on following a leader who can't even keep himself safe." I snarl taking slight pleasure in Enjolras's pained expression. "Honestly...He's weak! He can't stand up for himself, never mind others. He can barley tolerate pain..." Enjolras is close to tears, burying his face into Combeferre's shoulder. I'm about to continue when Combeferre steps forward.

"Grantaire that is quite enough." He snaps, folding his arms across his chest. I grin darkly, mimicking his movements.

"What's the problem Claude? Jealous that you weren't the first to take him?" I sneer, laughing quietly as Enjolras turns bright red and turns away. Combeferre's jaw drops, his eyes going wide before he pounces forward and tackles to me to the ground. I can't see much of what happens after that, but I can feel an increasing weight growing on my chest. Suddenly all of the weight gone, and replaced by a sharp pain in my side. Gasping I role onto my side, eyes wide.

Several of the Amis are staggering back, holding bloodied lips or black eyes. Combeferre's got his hand on Enjolras's shoulder, glaring down at me as though I were merely a dog. Scrambling to my feet and fixing my vest, I return the icy glares and back away towards the door.

"I...I'll be around." I growl, backing out the door and limping down the street.


	8. Chapter 8

"Well then it's settled! You move in first thing tomorrow!" I hear Combeferre exclaim as I enter the cafe. Move in? Who's moving in with whom? I am about to voice this question when I see that familiar flash of blond hair. Enjolras nodded, giving a small smile. I feel my heart drop to my feet, and anger boil up to replace it. So my Apollo is moving in with that stuck up medicinal student...We'll just see about that. I move forward, clearing my throat as to make my presence known. Combeferre's head snaps up, and his joyous expression is quickly replaced with one of sheer hatred. He is about to stand when Enjolras gently pushes him back down, shaking his head and muttering softly to the other. I can see the effort it is taking the man not to get up and strangle me, and I find it strangely amusing.

"What do you find so funny _drunkard_?" Joly snaps, looking up from the textbook he had been absorbed in. "What does it matter Joly?" I sneer in response, leaning casually on the table. "I need only to speak with _chere_ Enjolras for but a moment." I can feel Combeferre's gaze stabbing into my side, which causes me to huff in exasperation. "Honestly Claude, I'm not going to harm him. Just a simple, casual talk amongst two..." "If you say friends I am going to murder you Grantaire." Combeferre snarls, "Acquaintances...I was going to say acquaintances." I finish after being so rudely interrupted.

The group falls silent, all eyes turning to Enjolras, who has hardly lifted his gaze from his books. Slowly, he turns his gaze up, sighing heavily. "If I must..." He sighed, making it seem as though it were a huge burden. Combeferre begins to protest, but a simple gesture from Enjolras stops him in his tracks. "Claude mon ami...I'll be fine. Just, stay here and make sure Joly doesn't get sick...Again." The blond laughed, clasping Combeferre's shoulder as he passed on his way to the door. I slink out behind him, shielding my eyes from the bright spring sun. "Lead the way." I hear him say, before shaking my head and setting off at a brisk pace towards the park nearest the Musain.

The two of us walked in silence for a short time, looking around and trying to figure out what the other was going to do. Enjolras constantly glanced my way from the corner of his eyes, muttering softly under his breath. The stone and noise of the main streets soon faded to the grass and soft bubbling brooks of the park. Glancing around to ensure that we were completely and utterly alone one final time, I grab Enjolras's wrists, lifting them above his head and pinning him to a tree. He squeaks softly, then immediately calms down, keeping his voice level. "Grantaire...Let me go." He says simply, raising an eyebrow. "Him...Out of all the Amis you pick him?" I snarl, completely ignoring his request. He sighs heavily, wrenching one of his arms free and shoving me back. "Yes him. Combeferre is a very intelligent individual, not to mention kind...Things that you clearly do not possess." He says, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back against the tree.

I blink, taking in what he had just said, tilting my head. The two of us return to silence, just gazing at the other as the rest of the world seems to slow down. "Why?" He asks quietly, breaking the deafening silence. "What do you mean why?" I demand, trying desperately to keep the tremble out of my voice. Enjolras sighs again, shaking his head with a small, genuine smile. "Why did you do what you did Grantaire?" He asks again, slowly as though speaking to a child. I can feel my face starting to burn, and turn my gaze towards my shoes as I search for an answer that I wasn't sure I even possessed. I hate the way he is so calm, so relaxed...So like his former self. This thought finally spurs me out of my thoughts and back into motion. I take an almost shy step forward, my gaze still trained on my shoes. I spare one glance up, before quickly returning to inspecting my boots.

"I have one question Grantaire..." Enjolras says suddenly, pushing himself off the tree and strolling away casually, his fingers laced together behind his back. Taking my silence as an answer, he continues. "I don't really understand why you did it. Well, that isn't entirely true. I understand why you did it, I just don't get it." He turns, his bright blue eyes glinting with life. I find it hard to try and come back with a response, so I continue to look down at my shoes. "The first time was just fun...But after that I..." I tried to speak, but found it extremely hard to concentrate with his gaze staring me down. He shakes his head, turning to leave. "Forget it Grantaire...You're hopeless." This remark causes me to look up in shock, all anger and hatred just draining. "Excuse me?" I stutter, trying to wrap my head around what he had just said.

"I said you're hopeless Grantaire, you believe in nothing but serving yourself." I shake my head, moving to speak, but he doesn't see and continues. "Taking pleasure in tormenting others? Mon dieu! And to think at first it was just for fun?" Enjolras scoffs, growing bolder with each passing moment. This couldn't be happening...I couldn't let it happen. I move to strike him, to regain something...Anything, before it all vanished. He is faster, anticipating it of course. He grabs my wrist and shakes his head, sighing. "Honestly Grantaire, I never thought you'd grow so bold...In public as well." And then, without warning, he drew back his own fist and slugs me across the face. I stumble back before tripping over my own feet and toppling backwards. I stare wide-eyed up at the blond, who was actually nursing his fist with a pained expression. He looks down at me, shaking his head and extending his hand.

"Come on..." He says quietly, looking nervously down at his shoes. I remain on the ground, lips moving, but no sound leaving them. After what seemed like forever, I tentatively take his hand, hauling myself to my feet and gingerly touching my nose, which was now probably broken. Enjolras hasn't said anything, hasn't even looked at me. In silent agreement, the both of us turn and walk back to the cafe, both lost in our thoughts.

I couldn't believe that it was over. I had succeeded of course, yet he had come back. I spare a glance at his bright blond hair and angelic features, and instantly feel regret. Regret for everything I had done, was planning on doing...Everything. I hated him for letting me do that, no...I hated myself for actually going through with what was once the little fantasy of one so lost. I grit my teeth, growling quietly. He looks over his shoulder about to speak, but shakes his head and returns his gaze forward...Ever looking forward, planning. I have to turn away; for fear that he would see the tears that now threatened to spill forth.


	9. Chapter 9

Even after several months, the Amis still resent my presence at their meetings. Although Enjolras has said nothing against it, they pounce on every opportunity they can to get me out. I can't say I blame them...But it is getting rather tiresome. Every week is was the same thing, over and over again. I'd walk into the Musain, and be greeted by the glares of the Amis and several choice words. Then Enjolras would arrive, and everything would go back to the way it should, me sitting in the corner with my bottles, and the rest debating over various topics. This week was different however...

Upon entering the cafe, I am greeted, not by the constant chatter of the gathered Amis, but by a strange silence. Looking around the back room, I see that only Enjolras is there, bent double over a stack of papers. Frowning, I approach the boy, knocking on the back of a chair to alert him to my presence. He looks up, and a small smile flashes across his features.

"Enjolras...Where are the others?" I ask, looking around the room in confusion.

"I told them not to come tonight." He replies simply, giving a small shrug, "Why do you ask?"

"I was just...curious." I reply, starting to back out of the room. Enjolras looks up and shakes his head, gesturing at the seat across from him. Tentatively, I take the seat, frowning still. Enjolras looks back to his papers, his blond hair falling in front of his eyes. The pair of us sits in silence; the only sounds are the scratching of his pen and the crackling of the fire. I can't tear my eyes away from him, though I know it is wrong.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, he slides the papers away from himself and looks up at me.

"Do you know why you're the only one here?" He asks, using a tone that makes me feel as though I am a child being scolded for some small crime. With a sigh, I shake my head and turn my gaze to the floor. I hear Enjolras sigh and his chair scrape back. Casting a quick glance up, I notice his chair is empty, and that he's gone to the window, lacing his fingers behind his back and gazing thoughtfully at the night sky.

"The reason you are the only one here is because I needed to talk to you."

"Oh, because talking went _so_ well last time."

"Grantaire, could you not be a cynic for five minutes? This needs to be discussed..."

"What is there left to discuss Enjolras? I've told you everything!" I snap, gripping the edge of my seat tightly. Enjolras scoffs quietly, a sly smirk playing across his features.

"Then why are you getting so defensive?" He asks, turning back to the window. I can't speak, so sitting in stunned silence seems to be my only option. I had told him everything, hadn't I? What else was there to say...It was sheer lust, I'm sure it was only that. But then why couldn't he just move on? Was he hoping for some other answer, something that would make what I had done seem less...Vulgar.

Enjolras turns, raising an eyebrow. "Well? Do you have an answer or no?" He asks, calmly, pacing over to the fire and drumming his fingers idly on the mantle. What does he want me to say? I'm at a total loss for words, unsure if what I would say would make any difference on his view. Maybe there was something I could do to get him to change his mind about me...Just maybe things could go back to normal, without every one hating me. I stand slowly, desperately trying to get my legs to stop trembling.

"E-Enjolras?" I stutter, keeping my gaze downcast. He looks up with a soft hum, tilting his head questioningly. "Oui Grantaire?" He questions, leaning back against the wall. I bit my lip, taking several deep breaths to calm my nerves, looking up at him with a pleading expression. "Well?" He asks again, his voice hardly above a whisper. "Forgive me..." I reply, before taking his lips with mine.

At first everything is still, and I dare not open my eyes. I feel his arms slip around my neck, his slim fingers tangling into my hair. He breathes a soft sigh before returning the kiss, gently at first. I gasp in shock, surprised by his action. I open my mouth, and fell his tongue tentatively poke its way in as I groan into the kiss kissing him harder, with more need and longing. He seemed to return it in full, except with an underlying flavor of utter bitterness, I couldn't let it distract me from my mission as I trail my hands through his hair, I soon let all my emotions pour into the kiss, and he begins to do the same. I could feel he was holding back, I pull back enough for us to get some air after all; breathing is something one forgets as kissing goes.

I begin my assault on his neck as he struggles to catch his breath, my lips and teeth gently nipping, sucking and licking over his neck and collarbone. I try and try to convey how badly I want him, how badly he must stay. I know as I look back on it that it was all in vain, but I was too blind to see it. As I tilt his head back and he groans, moving closer to me as I nip along his jaw before returning to his lips. I try my hardest to make it last, making it last longer than I knew it should. Finally, my Enjolras resurfaces and begins to return my affections, kissing me harder and with need.

But I know it is all too good to last. Soon...Far too soon, Enjolras pulls back with a small blush tinting his porcelain skin. I shake my head, silently begging him to stay. He untangles his fingers from my hair and draws away, looking down at his boots. "I'm sorry Grantaire...I shouldn't have let you done that." He said quietly, smoothing down his hair and righting his shirt. "Julian...Apollo...Please." I plead, trying to grab onto his arm. He sighs, shaking his head and walking off. "I'm sorry Nicholas...But I can't trust you enough anymore." He states calmly, pulling on his jacket and heading out the door.

I forgot how long I stood there; staring at the place he had been standing. With an unsteady sigh I sink into one of the seats in the corner. One of the bar maids comes out of the front room with a bottle on her tray. "Anything I can get for you monsieur?" She asked, completely oblivious as to what had just happened. I look up at her with a weak smile. "A bottle of your strongest..." She raises her eyebrow, but said nothing as she left to fetch my order. I let my head drop onto the table, allowing a few tears to slide down my face. He was gone...Just like that. I lift my head and look up at the door. I think I see a flash of golden hair, but pass it off as merely my imagination. He wouldn't come back...Not for me.


	10. Chapter 10

It's all over. All of my planning, my attempts, out meetings...everything. The change had taken some time to get used to; losing all of your power in less than a month is a rather shocking event. Combeferre hasn't allowed me anywhere near Enjolras, constantly placing himself between the two of us. Enjolras would always try to explain, but Combeferre would never listen. He never had a reason to. He would glare at me for a moment, shaking his head.

"I don't trust him Julien."

"You never have" Enjolras points out, raising an eyebrow. Combeferre turns to face him with a startled expression.

"Even after what he's done, you are still comfortable with his presence?" He questions, as always unbelieving. Enjolras rolls his eyes, slamming his hands down onto the table.

"Yes Combeferre! I'm still comfortable with him around! Now can we please get on with the meeting?" And so it went on. Every week the same thing would happen, it was almost becoming normal. I had taken to sitting in the darkened corner of the cafe, hiding behind a multitude of bottles. I watch the meetings in silence, only speaking as a cynical drunk. I would lose myself in my thoughts every time, trying to distract myself from my evident failure.

"Grantaire...Is everything alright? Everyone's left already." Enjolras' gentle voice pulls me out of my thoughts. He is leaning over the table, a gentle frown creasing his features. I look around the cafe, and spot Combeferre standing by the door, glaring at me.

"Must you always keep him around?" I asked, staggering to my feet and yawning. A small smile ghosts across his face.

"Believe it or not, I never asked for his protection." He chuckles, brushing a strand of hair out of his face. Combeferre watches us impatiently, scowling slightly.

"Enjolras!"

"Give me a moment Claude!" Enjolras calls over his shoulder, rolling his eyes again. Combeferre sighs, grumbling quietly as he leaves the building, pacing around and constantly looking in through the window. I turn back to Enjolras, raising an eyebrow.

"You don't appreciate what he's doing." It's more of a statement then a question. He looks at me for a moment, before nodding with a small shrug. I smirk, leaning back. "Tut tut Julien...Lying to your best friend?"

"Combeferre means well...But he can be a little over protective sometimes." He shrugs, pulling on his coat.

"Leaving so soon?" I question, sitting up with a small pout. He looks over his shoulder at me, a sly grin flashing across his features.

"Combeferre will kill you if I don't. Besides, I don't have much to say." He smiles, tying his hair back and turning to face me. I don't know what I am expecting, but it certainly isn't a punch to the jaw. I stagger back with wide eyes, glaring at him.

"That," He says, holding his fist with a pained expression, "Is for all the shit you put me through. And this," He grabs be by my cravat and drags me towards him, kissing me fiercely, "Is for everything else." And with that, he turns and walks out of the cafe, a slight spring in his step.

I'm left standing speechless, my jaw stinging and my lips tingling. I shakily drop into a seat, gently prodding where a bruise was sure to form. I look to where he had left and smile, shaking my head with a quiet chuckle. He may never be mine alone, but he was mine in the way that mattered most. He wasn't Combeferre's. He really wasn't anyone's but his own...And yet, in some incredibly messed up way...he was mine.

* * *

A/N: _I realized recently that I've never left an author's note before. Well, here it is. Firstly, I wanted to apologize for the amount of time it took to finish this. Normally I would never finish a multi chapter fic, abandoning it less then half way through. I don't know what this was the first one I finished, and who knows, it may be the last. But I sincerly hope note. As odd as it sounds, I had a wonderful time writting **Mine**, namely because it helped me get out any frustrations I had at the time. Maybe that's why it took so long? Either or...I would like to thank every person who read, followed, favourited and reviewed this fic. It really helped to keep me motivated to actually finish my first multi chapter. This is probably one of the darkest things I'll write (apart from Brutality, even though that one I'm not writing...), but if you'd like to see more fics of this style, please let me know either via PM or possibly a review. Anyways, now that that's done...I honestly have no idea how to end this. Um...Tadda?_


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